Subtle Betrayal
By Esther Arikanki(LOVETH)
It's a promise I made to myself. She also can bear me witness if she had a heart. That she'll never run away. Not after what she did. Never!
I would have let the sleeping dogs lie for a while, and let it all slide, eventually. But not from someone like her. My naive self would have taken a thousand oats and sworn straight to the face she wasn't the one that day.
But no, I can't comprehend my doubts, not after telling her how I and Justin met, the awkward, deceitful smile he dashed. And the lies that flew like breeze out of his tongue when we first met. How close we'd grown. I knew I wasn't the only one. I wished I was, till he left.
He did compliment her smile. The day I told him she said hi. She became our topic of conversation all night. I swear, I only shared her insta handle. She had a broad and heart calming smile. Charming one. Snishy bitch, I'd alway teased her. A tattoo in every of her post. And when I asked why his account was found lingering on her follower's list. He said "You know, no secrets. She's just my girl's friend". Okay that's understandable, I smirked. I'll trust him this time. He'd always say he'll always be mine Alone!.
And the gift for my birthday, he asked that I gave her just one. Why'd he care? Anyways she was just my friend, like I won't give her at first?
It started sprouting. He'd always ask about her whenever we met. Like it was our plesentary exchange anthem. "How about Demi?..She's good; Is she inside the hostel? ... She's good brah".
One day, it just felt off. They were both in the library. I was in art? I didn't do math. But why she? I asked. "She said she needed clarity". "Why you?" "We waved and she pleaded". "Just like that?" I asked, "How about your friends?" He whispered into my ears"...Babe, you'll always be mine, trust me?". And just with that, I dusted it.
That night, i stared at our hostel window longer than usual. I replayed everything. The laugh he gave when i teased him about her the first time, how he brushed it of like it didn't matter. How he'd mention "Demi" on passing. But now, It did matter. Even much.
I wasn't jealous. At least, not in the dramatic, possessive kind of way. I was only worried because it seemed like I was slowly being written out of a story. One I helped start, that was actually mine. And maybe I was overthinking. She's said that the day I ran to the room crying. Because Justin said he had another friend. Much expected.
But you know how you'll know when your intinct detects a lie. Mine was so glaring in full sentences that night. God knows.
I didn't want to speak to him. Not even a "Okay" respond I'll spare.
The next morning, he texted. "We didn't even talk for long. Just helped her with the formulas and left". I read it twice. Maybe three time. Ten times I guess. It seems different. The words weighted heavier. The lies smelt ...like smoke. So glaring and clear. That night she walked up to me, said she was just coming from the reading room. One of her cooked and rehearsed lies. I hummed. She asked, "..you're good?". " Yes", I said . She smiled. That smile, broad and heart calming. The one she used on Justin. That made her look like peace. I wanted to slap the peace out of it.
Later that week, someone mentioned they saw them somewhere around Love garden at night. I cracked.
Demi stayed out that night. Came in late, didn't say much. She dropped her bag, climbed her bunk, plugged her earpiece and faced the wall. Not the usual "Hey". Nothing!
But I didn't want that.
I wanted to scream. I wanted her to admit it. To look me in the eye and say, 'Yes, I betrayed you'. I didn't bother working that out. We were roommates afterall. I knew I'll still say sorry. For the things I didn't even start.
So I did, not for them. But for me. And that was it. No blocking, no crying. Just a step of courage, deleted old chats and let it all slide.
Because I know he'll still come back to me. When he realises who she was.
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