Relationship Goals

 

Photo credit: Pinterest 

By Sekinat Abdulwakil 

Adetutu, my friend, beautiful, calm and intelligent. She would swear her boyfriend was the best thing ever, I would even swear the same. But he had landed her a slap on her right cheek. This takes me back to the bible passage where Jesus implored Christians to turn the left cheek, once they got struck on the right but these years have had me rethinking that Bible verse. Try it, dear reader it is rare to get struck on the right cheek except of course, the abuser is left-handed. The last time I checked, Adetutu’s boyfriend is not left-handed but he strikes her on the right cheek every now and then. However, Adetutu does not think it is rare to get struck on the right cheek. “He is my boyfriend so he has the right to discipline me” she would say. Then who am I? Or Jesus to say it is rare?

Relationship goals are a story of resilience, forgiveness, endurance and “mumuness”. In order words, only fools fall in love and in the words of my oga in love, it is difficult to love with your two eyes wide open; love is blind. Then, I am left to wonder if some of you all “woke” and “evil” ladies and men will ever find love. I mean, what shall it profit a man to gain the whole without loving or being loved. Now, I am not referring to agape love or the one that exists between a mother and child, I am talking about love that leads to marriage, children and a lifelong commitment. My friend's name is even too illustrative for revenge. What do you mean “Adetutu ti o tutu? That does not sound right to me. Surely, we're meant to stay low and blind in love, there are no two ways to it.

If he shouts at you, twists your words, ignores your feelings, then sends a “sorry” text with a cute emoji, it is not a big deal. Love is pain, love is sacrifice, it is not a smooth endeavor. Perhaps, you need to ask for his permission to go to a rave with your friends. Or he needs to approve of your friends, he could even have an opinion on your roommates who is always advising you to leave him. Every conversation you have is laced with the names of your coursemates who are half in love with you. He just happens to know everything going on in your life but, you say it's not love? That, my girl, is love. Or at least, that’s what they say real relationships are made of: confusion, stress, and just enough apology texts to keep you hanging on.

Before you start thinking too much or trying to be “dramatic” by leaving, let’s revisit the gospel of love that society preaches. “He’s Just Going Through Something” he embarrassed you in front of people, and abandoned you at Zik bridge at 11:30pm, Calm down. It was a bad day. Maybe Man United lost again and Real Madrid couldn't just clinch the win. He even saw you talking to that cute coursemate, it's his protective instinct at work. He didn’t mean to humiliate you that way. Afterwards, he disciplines you with a few belt lashes, he is not being toxic, he just trusts you enough to unleash all his rage on you. Awww, you're his safe space; the one for him.

He says he’s proud of your dreams, then goes right ahead to laugh at them. He calls you his “everything” but needs to approve your clothes and schedule. He's just friends with the girl he's always with at love garden. You’re not seeing red flags, take a deep breath and smile. 

Another Day, Another “Sorry” what more could you possibly want? He said sorry, again. Never mind he’s apologizing for the same thing over and over. Never mind that your anxiety spikes every time his name flashes on your phone. Never mind that nothing has changed but he said sorry. That counts for something and at least, he gave up chasing everything in a skirt for you.

You argue during exams like it’s a yearly event and block each other after every fight, then unblocking like nothing happened. You Post “Happy Anniversary” even though you’ve broken up twice in that month, it's all a part of the experience girl, it would be a testimony on your wedding day. And yes! You would make a very beautiful family, together with your patience for him and his love for you, your home would blossom into a sunflower. Therefore, girl, don’t give up, you’re almost there.