Rivalry, Support and Everything Else

By Divine Ayoade

Image Credit: iStock 

Recently I was walking home from class with some friends. While we were walking and chatting, I noticed something interesting in our less than 15 minute walk. The two guys I was walking with greeted almost up to 10 other guys before we parted ways. Brief chats, handshakes, or a quick tease or joke.

That got me thinking: why does it sometimes feel like females don’t connect the same way guys do? Don’t get me wrong, brotherhood has its own complexities. But in general, you can see and feel the easy cordiality among guys: open greetings, casual support, no big deal. Sometimes, it didn’t even matter if they knew each other’s names, or even much about each other at all. Maybe they watched the same football match once, supported the same club, and suddenly they’re bros, they’re friends. Casual, effortless, no judgment.

In contrast, a woman could know a woman in detail - her habits, her quirks, even her history, and still hesitate to greet her properly, or call her a friend. It’s heavier, more scrutinized, more conditional. It appears that sisterhood often comes with invisible checks. Compliments are weighed, jokes are dissected, and sometimes, even the act of greeting or calling someone a friend is filtered through unspoken judgments. With women, bonds , friendships, calling and treating someone as your sis often need context or proof of loyalty before they’re recognized. 

We all know the phrase “women supporting women.” It’s everywhere in speeches, social media, and campaigns. But in real life, it often feels like there’s a quiet competition bubbling under the surface. A compliment can be a double-edged sword, a smile that seems warm at first, but carries a trace of judgment. Jokes meant to amuse can sting more than they heal, leaving you wondering if you’re laughing with someone or at yourself. And sometimes, there’s that subtle “who’s better” vibe, unspoken yet undeniable, lurking in the background of conversations. 

Sometimes, the irony is that women believe compliments from strangers more readily than from the people they call friends. A kind word from someone you barely know can feel genuine and effortless, while the same compliment from a close peer can be met with skepticism. This tendency highlights the invisible barriers that exist even among friends. When every word or gesture is scrutinized, measured, or compared, simple acts of encouragement lose some of their power. 

It’s not that support doesn’t exist but sometimes it’s met with a cloud of doubt, making sisterhood feel heavier, more complicated, and harder to fully embrace. But why do these tensions exist? It’s important to remember that women’s relationships are shaped by layers of history, social expectations and survival strategies. So could it be because women from time past have been conditioned to compete for limited recognition and opportunities? Or are many just shaped by friendships that have faltered and trust that was broken. Perhaps it is just the human nature of the female gender? 

Amidst all this complexity, true sisterhood still exists powerfully, and often in ways that go unnoticed. It’s in the friend who shows up without needing to be asked, offering a listening ear when life feels heavy. It’s in the whispered encouragement before a big moment, the small gestures of validation that remind you you’re seen and valued. It’s in women who celebrate your wins without envy, who lift you up without measuring or comparing. Or a stranger pretending she’s your friend so she can save you from an harasser.

These moments prove that sisterhood isn’t just a slogan or a hashtag. It’s a real experience, one that requires intention, empathy, and authenticity. It reminds us that while competition, judgment, and subtle rivalry may be present, they don’t define female friendships. Support, loyalty, and genuine care are just as real; sometimes quieter, sometimes subtler, but no less powerful.

Here’s a word of advice: don’t let the actions or words of one person dictate how you treat everyone else. Yes, sisterhood can be complicated, and yes, people may sometimes judge, compete, or fall short of support. But the cycle doesn’t have to continue. You can choose to be different and to offer genuine compliments, to celebrate someone’s success without envy, to lift someone up without expecting anything in return.  

Kindness, encouragement, and authentic support are contagious. When you decide to break the cycle, even in small ways, you plant seeds of real sisterhood. You may not change everyone, but you can start with yourself, your words, your actions, your choices. True sisterhood doesn’t require perfection, only intention. And if more of us choose to act with care and consistency, the invisible barriers of judgment, competition, and doubt can slowly dissolve, making room for bonds that are real, supportive, and lasting.