Did You Know If You Don’t Laugh, You’ll Cry?

 

image credit: pinterest 

By Osuolale Oluwatomilayo 

Did you know if you don’t laugh, you’ll cry? Because truly, laughter is the only coping mechanism left when your one congo of rice has a shorter lifespan than your battery health. You’ll boil it with joy today, and by tomorrow morning, you’ll be left with nothing but regret, hunger, and the smell of Maggi floating through your dreams.

Did you know that academic comeback stories are mostly fantasies? You’ll say, “I’ll start reading tomorrow,” and suddenly it’s the week before exams. You’ll find yourself stuck on page four of fifty-two, wondering when you became the villain in your own story. The comeback you promised yourself will look at you from afar and whisper, “Not this semester, dear.”

Did you know that living on garri and grace is a Nigerian student’s unofficial diet plan? You’ll drink it with confidence in the morning, powered by faith and frustration. But by afternoon, hunger will still locate you like a lost parcel. Your stomach doesn’t care about spiritual backing, it only knows emptiness.

Did you know that while you’re choosing between hunger and PowerPoint slides, Foluke has finished the syllabus twice? She’s reading ahead for the next semester, probably color-coding her notes and solving past questions from 2001. Meanwhile, you’re still asking, “When is this course starting sef?” The academic gap between you and Foluke is now a generational curse.

Did you know ASUU strike or not, you’ll still face what you’re running from? You’ll dance at first, “At least we can rest!”, but after three weeks, boredom will slap you into reality. The same school you were tired of will suddenly start looking fine again. You’ll even miss the sound of your lecturer’s microphone feedback.

Did you know that Nigerian lecturers are walking mysteries? They can enter a class 45 minutes late and still say, “You people are not serious.” Some have perfected the art of setting exam questions from topics they didn’t teach. You’ll open your answer booklet and suddenly start negotiating with your ancestors.

Did you know that in every class, there’s always one person who reminds the lecturer about the test? That person is a national threat. They were not sent by God. They’ll say, “Sir, you promised us a quiz today,” and the whole class will hiss in spiritual unity. May we never cross paths with them.

Did you know that group projects are a form of academic torment? You’ll be the only one typing, printing, and submitting, while others send “thanks dear” and disappear. When it’s time for presentation, they’ll suddenly reappear, smiling confidently as if they carried the group on their back.

Did you know that your GPA moves like Nigerian electricity, unstable and unpredictable? You start the semester with hope, then one bad course drags your average down like fuel scarcity drags transport fare. You’ll see your result and suddenly start planning a motivational speech titled “Failure is not the end.”

Did you know that prayers increase exponentially during exams? People who haven’t opened their books since week one suddenly become prayer warriors. You’ll hear things like, “Holy Spirit, remind me of what I never read.” Sometimes, it even works, miracles don’t check attendance.

Did you know that graduation isn’t the finish line, it’s just the start of another hustle? You’ll throw your cap, take pictures, and then reality will whisper, “Welcome to unemployment.” NYSC will post you to a remote village where even Google Maps is confused, and suddenly you’ll miss those lecture halls you once hated.

Again, did you know if you don’t laugh, you’ll cry? My dear, start laughing now.