Vulnerability

Picture Credit: Marion Roach

By Esther Arikanki 

So there’s this person you’ve been attracted to. His charisma, the aura he carries alongside. Is it the way he walks, or the thickness in his voice that throws you off balance? Or the way his attire fits perfectly in his bicep-built body? Or perhaps it’s his impeccable taste in fashion- the straight from the magazine personality that draws you to walk up to him. You've been yearning for just the helm of his attention but all to no avail. Then you think of an idea, probably it works, you wonder.  Here comes the moment of truth. You muster the courage to approach him. Imagining different possibilities and ready to express your feelings to him, or well not to express but give him a hint of how much you long for this attention from him, to connect on a deeper level. Then to your amusement, he responds with indifference, only to get you  rejected and tell you,  you are trying to force things or even not give attention at all. Then, the world feels a little heavier, your confidence shaken, hopes dashed, your heart sinks, and you’re left grappling with a swirl of emotions. 

This rejection can feel like a punch to the gut, hitting hard, shattering your hope and  leaving you questioning everything about your worth and bruising your esteem. Then you begin to feel Vulnerable. Yes, it hurts most times or sometimes it's tough but it is part of the journey towards empowerment. Vulnerability is being honest with yourself. 

The cultural perception of the word vulnerability is that it's a woman thing, it a female thingy, a girl thing. Portraying it as a sign of weakness and imposing certain expected characteristics like softness, gullibility and the likes, thereby making it difficult for them to share their emotions without fear of judgment. However, it is important to recognize that vulnerability is not a weakness but a pathway to personal growth.Vulnerability takes courage. It is in fact a complex emotion that can lead to profound strength. It is your willingness to be open, emotionally exposed, emotionally aware and imperfect. Yes, imperfectly perfect. 

Finding strength in vulnerability can only be achieved when you embrace your true self, with your flaws, uncertainties and flaunts. Being gentle with yourself, instead of harsh criticism, reminding yourself that it's perfectly okay to be imperfect and this should propel a kind of self love. Knowing that you deserve love and understanding and these, especially from yourself. Practice self compassion, allow yourself to feel, understand that it is a normal thing. Take a sheet of paper and write down your emotions, tear the unnecessary ones and the pieces you know and feel you can do without. List your insecurities and turn them into securities. Don’t suppress your emotions, they are real, sincere and valid like the pressure of juggling between fetching water to keeping up with early morning class whilst still balancing them up with your socials and also your spiritual life. 

Learn about yourself. What did you learn about what you want?  What qualities do you value in yourself and in others? Seek healthy counsels, do not bottle up. Take a moment to  focus on personal growth so you don't  get weighed down by rejection. Dive into activities that make you happy and build your confidence back. Also know that while it is important to be open, set healthy boundaries.  

Remember that the path to strength is paved with courage. And courage through one step of vulnerability. Embracing vulnerability is not just about acknowledging your flaws; it’s about understanding your imperfections. By being open about your feelings, cultivating supportive friendships, and practicing self-compassion. It is much like embracing your authentic self, with all its ups and downs. And much more like being you!