SELF-DISCIPLINE AND SETTING HEALTHY BOUNDARIES
By Esther Arikanki
What I sought for was a yes, a nod in the head, the pat at the back, the "now you belong," the validation, and you know... all the good girl stuff. But why did it seem as though I was an attention seeker? A "wanna be girl," a "tryna join the league type," or simply "you're not my kinda girl"? Why? Was it that I allowed it all in, the insult, the unfiltered words thrown at me, or act like someone deserving of one? Or I didn't set boundaries. These questions often swirl through our minds as we navigate the complexities of relationships and self-identity.
But amidst the noise, one thing becomes clear: establishing healthy boundaries is essential for finding who we truly are. Boundaries are like a fabulous shield, protecting your emotional health and honoring your feelings. It’s completely okay to say, “I can’t take on your problems right now.” Your emotional well-being matters.
Think of healthy boundaries as your personal space bubble, allowing you to thrive without feeling overwhelmed. They create a safe environment where you can express yourself authentically and without fear of judgment.
Like a metal, boundaries let your inner sparkle shine while helping you prevent burnout by ensuring you're not constantly giving to others at the expense of your happiness. They allow for open and honest conversations. When both you and your friends know each other's limits and are clear about what you need, it creates that vibe of mutual respect.
In a world that often pressures us to conform, setting boundaries is an act of self-discipline that empowers you to prioritize your needs and desires. It’s about recognizing that you are worthy of love and respect just as you are.
How do you set these fabulous boundaries, first by knowing your need. Take a moment to reflect on what you truly need for you to be understood by people. What makes you feel free and feel you? Write it down and let it guide you. Also, express yourself appropriately. When it's time to set boundaries, communicate it clearly and confidently. Be free with "I need some alone time to recharge", "I can't do it for you", "No, I object to that", "I don't like the way this is done".
Be consistent, consistency is key. If you let someone cross your boundaries just one, it can send mixed signals. Give the person a long stick, give them ample time. However, if they persist, resort to confrontation. Ask why this was done while knowing fully well that it isn't what you want or how you want it. Stick to it, your boundaries are important.
Love yourself first, loving your neighbor as you love yourself. Prioritize self care. Engage in activities that refreshes you, relaxes your mind, ones that makes you feel you. Whether it's an evening walk to love garden, or munching of your favorite snacks and edibles, or watching a soothing Kdrama, or cozying up with a good novel.
Just do something that makes you feel good.
Don't sweat the small sweat the small stuffs. Don't get filled up or bottled down with trivial things that matter less.
A supportive friend will offer guidance and encouragement if you are finding it hard to set boundaries. Don't hesitate to let your opinions out and your views clear.
So, the next time you find yourself questioning your place or feeling the weight of others' expectations, remember that you have the power to define your own narrative. Embrace your uniqueness, set those boundaries, and watch as your relationships and self-identity flourish. You are not just a "wanna be girl"—you are a beautiful individual, deserving of respect and love.
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