My Beauty

 

 By OMODELE Goodness

I lay on my bed as still and composed as I could, watching my roommate who also happens to be my coursemate step into her straight bodycon gown, all excited about the date she was about to have with the handsome guy I had an interest in.

 While I was here, overthinking my life decisions as our test results were released, she seemed unfazed by it all. After all, she got 36 out of 40.

Her voice snapped me back to reality.

 "Babe, I'll be outside soon," she said into the phone, slipping on a nude heel before hurriedly ending the call.

 "Tessy, do I look okay?" she asked, turning around with that flawless smile, looking as perfect as always.

 "Yeah, he's going to love you even more when he sees you in this," I managed to say, feigning a smile, though a pang of hurt pierced my heart with every word I uttered.

 "Thank you," she smiled and then left the room.

I locked the door behind her and walked to the mirror, where my reflection stared back at me.

 I sucked in my breath, trying to flatten my round stomach to look like her naturally flat one, but I couldn’t even last ten seconds.

I stretched my hair with my fingers to mimic her shoulder-length style, but mine barely passed my lower earlobe.

 My dark skin, marked with blemishes, couldn’t compare to her glowing, perfect light skin. My skinny, straight, shapeless figure didn’t hold a candle to her busty and curvy body.

 She's always healthy as a horse, while I struggle with this annoying arthritis.

 And if that wasn’t enough, she’s a first-class student, while I’m here struggling with a third class.

Then the realisation hit me harder than ever: I could never be as beautiful as she is.

Guys and girls would shower her with compliments even if she were in her pyjamas, while no one would even glance my way, no matter how well I dressed.

I didn’t blame them. I thought, Tessy, just look at you, you're an eyesore to yourself.

This left me shattered, so I started covering my “hideous” body with oversized shirts and trousers. My posture slouched, and my face hung low whenever I walked.

Outings and seminars became no longer my thing. I even lost interest in attending classes, knowing the heartache I’d bring back.

Gradually, I became a silent judge, constantly comparing myself to anyone I saw. And with each comparison, I was reminded that I wasn’t enough. Even among my siblings, I never received compliments for my beauty, intelligence, or accomplishments. It was a sad reality.

One night, as I lay in bed binge-watching YouTube videos, a video titled ‘Beauty Tips’ caught my attention. I clicked on it. After watching it, I realised many important truths, no one else can be me. I am uniquely created, and true beauty comes from being confident in who I am.

Confidence grows from within. It flourishes when I acknowledge my strengths and who I am. Confidence is key. To feel truly beautiful, I must take pride in who I am and work on improving myself.

This means I need to speak with confidence, improve my dressing style while staying true to my modesty, intentionally practice hygiene, walk with purpose, smile often, spend more time doing what I love, and work on expanding my knowledge.

It also means I must practice self-love: prioritise my health, pamper myself, stop comparing myself to others, work towards achieving my life goals, and, most importantly, spend quality time with the people who love me.

I’ve never needed anyone else to make me feel beautiful; my beauty has always been here, waiting for me to embrace it and shift my mindset.

Since that realization, I wake up every morning and remind myself in the mirror of how beautiful I am. Sure, I may not have the perfect figure, but I’m beautiful.

 I may have blemishes, but I’m beautiful.

 I may be short, but I’m beautiful.

 I may not have long hair, but I’m beautiful.

 I may struggle with arthritis, but I’m beautiful.

 My stomach may not be flat, but I’m beautiful.

Each day, I gr

ow more beautiful than the last.