Are Women Supporting Women? An Introspection into the Reality of Womanhood

 

By Oludare Olufunmilola 

Image Credit: Reddit

The first time I came across the phrase 'women helping women', to me, it was the statement of the century, a long overdue truth that provided women all over the world with a sense of unity and sisterhood. This unity would remain, keeping women bound together, regardless of their geographic distance, race and social and economic class.

I had envisioned a society where women would consciously work other deserving women up the social ladder and support their good courses. Sadly, we do not always get what we want because reality is nothing like Nollywood. Society says to help women but, every other day, what should be supported is masked under subtle animosity, pretence and dispassion. Perhaps, Simi is not entirely wrong to have said “Man no like woman, a woman no like woman, she no be like water o, e no get enemy “

During the 2023 UISU elections, I overheard a conversation that left me stunned. A lady was discussing with her friend that she wouldn’t support a particular female candidate, simply because her rival was a man. Her friend took it a step further, declaring that women in power are worse than Hitler, and therefore, she wouldn’t vote for her. Maybe some women in power indeed act like they are in a battleground, but do we abstain from eating because we were once poisoned? Besides wickedness or any other personality trait isn’t exclusive to gender; both men and women are capable of terrible actions, we ought not to generalise and condemn an entire group based on a few bad apples, but our women left the group chat centuries ago. 

It is important to know that this is not the genesis of the problem; it is one of the effects of gender ideology. Gender ideology is the set of roles and assumptions in a particular culture and entity that are associated with gender and pertain to non-sexual activities, such as occupation, appropriate expressions of emotion and leadership. 

You might want to ask what the genesis of the problem is, but that would mean going deeper into an endless loop of unanswered questions. So, nobody should be asking how the problem started but rather what society, or at least women, has done to tackle it. 

The earth is old, there are over 8 billion people on it and roughly 50% of the global population are females. This says a lot about support because there is strength in numbers. However, this does not automatically translate to support. On one side of the bias, women can be powerful allies, championing each other’s success and advancement. Furthermore, some women are in the active business of supporting women, there are various NGOs particularly set up for the female gender, and various initiatives have sprung up to investigate women’s health and ways in which their overall well-being can be improved. According to research conducted by the United Nations organisation, about 50% of the world's NGOs are specifically for women and women’s rights. These developments are very laudable and reflect the growing ideology of gender equality and humanitarian initiatives. While these advancements are undoubtedly welcome, there’s an aspect of this discourse that often goes unaddressed: women not supporting women and the biases that persist.

The same way some persons dedicate their lives to the advancement of the female gender is the same way some persons dedicate their lives to bringing down anything in skirts. They are not necessarily women, many of them are men but, women are often at the forefront of perpetuating this harm. Tell me why some people won't vote for a female candidate because she's running against a man. Or, worse still, because you, as a virtuous woman, expect her to conform to traditional gender roles, like being a stay-at-home caregiver, questioning why she can't be like 'every other woman". But she is a woman! Implying doubts about her capabilities or trustworthiness. It’s as if her gender alone is enough to disqualify her from holding public office.

This mindset is disturbing, especially when we consider the underlying messages. Are we saying she’s not competent? That we can’t trust her. Or “Why her?” implying that a woman shouldn’t be in that position in the first place. Then we go ahead and say women are supporting women. Feminism, intended to salvage the situation and calm tensions, has aggravated the problem. It’s possible that, as a nation, we lack a clear understanding of what feminism truly means. The issue has transcended mere ignorance, as nobody seems to care about seeking knowledge anymore; instead, we react impulsively to every minor provocation.

This writer firmly believes in merit-based selection, rejecting mediocrity and bias-driven decisions. When choosing the best candidate for a job, gender should not be a factor. If the most qualified person happens to be a woman, she should get the position. On the other hand, if the best fit is a man, that’s perfectly fine too!

As the University of Ibadan prepares for another election season, a pressing question lingers: will individuals support leaders based on merit or fall into familiar patterns? Historically, there's been a trend of voters opting for male leaders over their female counterparts. However, this election season presents an opportunity for change especially for our women. We might witness a shift in mindset, where individuals from all genders come together to support the most qualified candidates. Perhaps we'll see more informed and knowledgeable electorates emerge, those that place leadership skills over gender.