Nigeria got talent

 By: KCO

What shall we liken the elections in the Federal Republic of Nigeria to? It is like an American talent show popular for showcasing some of the finest talents in America.

First, it is important that you hold your cold drinks while you are treated to a brief but interesting recap of the just concluded season. 

We had eighteen contestants comprising pretenders and actual aspirants. You might have been amused at each contestant's claim to victory; especially the confidence and big talks of the ones you know will not receive more than fourteen votes from viewers. Everyone claimed to be the next big thing in the industry and frankly, we wanted to see something.

So, we will start our discussion with the one who never gives up. He is none other but the Northern big man who goes by the stage name; Waziri. He is clearly the oldest and the most regular visitor to the show. We believe that he possesses all the technical know-how of this competition but somehow, he has never won the show despite going in six times. Sometimes, he does not make it past the audition stage, sometimes he is voted out at the Quarterfinal, and sometimes he reaches the Grand-finalé but fails to clinch the winner's prize. Waziri has been consistent with his talent; power-packed speeches on restructuring and a certain five-point agenda. He was the first to audition this season and my oh my! Was it not glory?

During the last season, he managed to garner eleven million votes which he promptly and wisely kept in the kolo. Alas! There was something wrong with the kolo.

Our next favourite contestant is the first-timer who managed to blaze through the auditions with a terrific showcase of the Lulè and Eléyìí poetic masterpieces. It was a show! He had a school son who dared to audition with him and he told the judges and viewers that his son still had milk teeth and therefore, could not stand on the same stage with him. He went ahead to become one of the most talked about contestants because of his stage name, Emí ló kàn. This contestant was indeed a trendsetter and a necessary spice to the show, giving us the Balablu hit single, the Hit the ground running sonnet, and the Àgbàdo and Cassava diet plan - because he is good like that - among others. His fans named themselves 'Creatures of the night' and we should have known because what did they say about the night workers again?

Another contestant was the fan-favourite who goes by the stage name; POssible. You could also call him Cephas.

During the auditions of this contestant, he got the golden buzzer. Chee! His talent showcase was a stunning analysis of the economic market. Who does not like an intellectual? And at every of his stage performances, he kept delivering. He became the Man of the People and fans would say Cephas is all of us.

'Upon this stone, I will build my church and the gates of hell will not prevail against it' but it is like this Cephas did not Cephas like other Cephases that Cephased. Upon getting the golden buzzer, none of his obedient fans who prided themselves on being useful unlike the fans of other contestants would have guessed that Cephas would end the race as the second runner-up. This shows that anything is indeed POssible. 

Another worthy mention is the man fondly called the Revolutionary Don who would have upon winning contributed his quota to the struggle of legalizing marijuana. A wild guess was that Rexxie and the big boys would come through but no, they did not show love.

Also, the Kardashian Resident boy proved at the finals that he was indeed an omolúàbí. While we are not sure of his talent, we advise that he should kwantinue his good work for his people.

At the time of this briefing, certain contestants have congratulated the winner but they were never going to win in the first place and the other contestants who have expressed their displeasure and feeling of being robbed have gone ahead to sue the producers of the Nigeria Got Talent Show. Sad?